Still…

St. Louis in the RainOutside it is hazy.

Inside, the pumpkin-scented candles blaze, but the lights are off.

Outside, the city is blanket in a fog, the luminations I can usually see hide behind the thick air.

Inside, and inside, I’m reflecting.

Homework, for the time being, is done. The laundry is done. The cats are sleeping. The television is off.

For the first time, in a very very long time, I am still.

My mind is not racing. All is content.

My physical heart, which has been beating eratically, first slowly, then quickly, skipping beats, plagued by a bit of arrythmia, and irritated further by the high blood pressure I’ve been cursed with, is beating smoothly.

I flirt with the idea of the book I am trying to write. I’m frustrated it cannot go faster, but I am incredibly in love with how three dimensional all of my characters are. I laugh and cry as I write – I bring back the dead – my Mom, my sister Duncan, my wonderful Grandmother and her German vampire accent. I revisit places, reunite with old friends who served their purposes unknowingly before fate cast us in different directions.

I think of God, and the religious zealot that I once was, and how much more meaningful and special my Christianity is to me now. My faith is pure, it is real, and most importantly, it is strong because of it’s nature, not because I am judging the sins of others to feel better about myself.

I am happy to be back in the blogosphere.

My blog is taking a new direction. It’s heading back more toward the story telling of and deep personal reflection of my previous blog, but it will also take a bit of the real world that this blog has brought forth.

I am still.

I am content.

I was – and am – being a good Kitty.

I am still.

I am content.

But I will never, under any circumstance, be silent.

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7 Responses to Still…

  1. Oh darling O,

    So happy to see you have returned!! In triumphant spirit!

    I look forward to hearing more of your book. I love your Grandmother and her German Vampire accent!

    My own novel writing obsesses me at the moment…I live and breathe it. Occasionally I come up for air only to be sucked back down by the book that has become my jealous lover!!
    Sigh…
    Love it.

    Love you too xoxox

  2. Cockbag LLC says:

    You have been a busy kitty and I have been a busy cockbag.

  3. blasphemousandoffensive says:

    Arch – so glad to be back 🙂 Thank you!

  4. blasphemousandoffensive says:

    Minx-

    I fully expect a signed copy of your book. You and I share so many things, and I’m so excited that this passion and our projects are more.

    If I were straight, we’d so be Henry Miller and anais nin.

    I adore you. More than I could ever express. You’re my beacon in the storm.

  5. blasphemousandoffensive says:

    Cockbag –

    Yes, we’ve been incredibly incredibly busy. I’m so glad I get to see you on a regular basis.

    And don’t ask.

    Of course you’re a character in my book. I already even have your fake name and physical description 🙂

  6. mikelinstlcwe says:

    happy to see u……
    and miss your writings
    miss our chats more…….

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