What’s Worse than Shampoo in Your Eye?

doveNo, it’s not that, ya perverts!

O. was in Wal-Mart today getting some basic household goods, and he was walking up the shampoo and shower gel aisle when he saw a bottle of Dove liquid shower soap.

Now one may think that O. is accustomed to higher quality personal hygiene products than Dove. And one would be correct.

For years now, O. has been completely addicted to anything Philosophy. And with wonderful scents like Red Velvet Cake, Mint Chocolate Chip, and Cinnamon Rolls who wouldn’t be?

But the Dove bottle beckoned. Dove reminds O. of being on the farm with his parents – they’ve got the Dove-love. And he always smells so fresh and so clean when he gets out. So, in order to make this VERY tough decision, O. flipped the cap of the Dove bottle and prepared for an overwhelming sense of soapy goodness.

Instead, he got a bullet of Dove right up his right nostril. So far up, in fact, that his eyes began watering uncontrollably and he could taste it.

For the record – the taste has special memories of its own – but they’re not good. Think five year old O., bad bad words, and Mom washing out his mouth. Not pretty.

A lady looked and laughed; she’d seen the whole spectacle. O., never one to miss a good laugh, began doing the same thing. It really was funny.

And upon the completion of a VERY taxing shopping day, O. hopped into a warm shower, busted out the Dove, and completed the experience by losing himself in the new robe he purchased at Bloomingdale’s in Chicago. And he cannot stop smelling his freshly cleaned skin.

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3 Responses to What’s Worse than Shampoo in Your Eye?

  1. Eric says:

    forget the dove, I just want a robe now! My BF wanders around in his bathrobe and it’s so darn comfy looking.

  2. I have a compulsion to smell EVERYTHING and this very horror has happened to me a number of times, to my great embarrassment.
    I have actually fallen victim to a projectile to the eye..
    Unattractive, painful and enormously mortifying.

  3. Staggo Lee says:

    I’m a heathen reader of your blog.

    #1. A major buzz cut makes me sexier.
    #2. Give me high quality body shower liquids. Ooo, yeah.
    #3. I walk around naked.
    #4, Yes, it is that.
    #5. Perversion is an art form.

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